Skip to main content

I used to want to change the world... until the world changed me

I haven't written in a long time.... mostly because I don't feel like I have anything to write or share any more. To be honest, I haven't felt much of anything for a long time.

Except today, today I feel defeated. Completely and utterly defeated. I look around and I see so many others just going about their lives and I just don't feel like I fit anywhere. Most days I just go through the motions and do what needs done then go to bed and wake up the next day and do it again. But not today, today was different. Today, I looked around at everyone else going somewhere... doing something... living... smiling... talking... being.... and I realized that I'm just so different than everyone.

Everyone else knows what they're doing and where they're going and I'm just here. I just go through my day trying to not bounce off of or collide into anyone else. But, it seems that's all I'm really capable of. I wake up with one goal, to avoid anything and everything uncomfortable and I go through the day being ping ponged from one uncomfortable situation to another. Everyone else is trying to be seen and I'm over here just trying to disappear... or blend in... or something... but whatever I'm doing, I really suck at it, lol ... apparently, I'm too real for most people and places.

I used to want to change the world... until the world changed me




Now, I just want to be me and want the world to leave me alone.








Comments

  1. My honest opinion, is that you are waking up with the wrong goal and that only magnifies your disappointments. I do hope this funk passes quickly for you.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Uh Oh

Have you ever read something that made you take a serious look at yourself and think, "Uh Oh?" 

My best friend lent me a book called, "Safe People" by Cloud and Townsend to help me heal after having to deal with some really unsafe people after my mom's death. As I was reading through, I was completely caught off guard by something. 

Growing up, I suffered from anorexia. Although, I didn't know I did. I didn't choose to starve myself. We were just poor and I didn't get to eat that often so I stopped feeling hunger. I still remember when I went to the doctor at the age of 20 with a serious sickness and he diagnosed me as an anorexic. I was so angry! I still remember explaining to him that I would eat if I could but I just wasn't hungry and there had to be something causing it. To which he replied, "That is, anorexia." I left his office offended and switched doctors. Later on in life, God showed me that his diagnosis was hard to take and no…

I love the way you lie

I'm sure most people have heard the song out by Eminem and Rihanna, but every time I hear it I am reminded of a poem I wrote several years ago when I was in an abusive relationship and at my end. So, I wanted to share it as an example of how God can fix anyone no matter how broken they are.

Please remember my poem is sarcastic and not literal just as is the song I referred to.


Take this knife and jab it in Here's another try again I'll find another if I need Just thrust it in and watch me bleed
Do I sound a bit crazy to you? Please let me know if I do I just want you to know I love this game I love the hurt, I love the pain
Please kick me down so I can get back up If I've had too much I'll say "enough" But I want you to ignore me if I do And kick me til I'm black and blue
Go find some rocks, go find some stones Bruise my body, break my bones Don't stop until you feel my fear Don't stop until you see my tears
When I start to cry you can take a break …