Tuesday, January 10, 2017

I used to want to change the world... until the world changed me

I haven't written in a long time.... mostly because I don't feel like I have anything to write or share any more. To be honest, I haven't felt much of anything for a long time.

Except today, today I feel defeated. Completely and utterly defeated. I look around and I see so many others just going about their lives and I just don't feel like I fit anywhere. Most days I just go through the motions and do what needs done then go to bed and wake up the next day and do it again. But not today, today was different. Today, I looked around at everyone else going somewhere... doing something... living... smiling... talking... being.... and I realized that I'm just so different than everyone.

Everyone else knows what they're doing and where they're going and I'm just here. I just go through my day trying to not bounce off of or collide into anyone else. But, it seems that's all I'm really capable of. I wake up with one goal, to avoid anything and everything uncomfortable and I go through the day being ping ponged from one uncomfortable situation to another. Everyone else is trying to be seen and I'm over here just trying to disappear... or blend in... or something... but whatever I'm doing, I really suck at it, lol ... apparently, I'm too real for most people and places.

I used to want to change the world... until the world changed me




Now, I just want to be me and want the world to leave me alone.