LIFE - THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHRISTIAN/HYPOCRITE

The walls that people build in their hearts and minds, based on past hurts, do not just keep others out; but also, keep them trapped in. Quite often Christians, whose pages look the most godly, have their settings on social networking set so that others they do not know cannot contact them. I think it is the strangest thing that someone with the title “God’s child” avoids being contacted by their sisters and brothers. There could not be a more literal example of someone putting up a wall that keeps them from their own blessings. These same people could be sitting at home crying and praying to God for Him to send them a good friend. So, He answers the prayer and sends someone but nobody can get through because of the barrier that has been put in place. Then they blame God for their loneliness and get angry with Him for not answering their prayer. Yet, it is not God’s fault. His word is very clear on this matter. Now that you've read my blog, I suggest you read this blog ;)

It's been a while since I've written. It's also been a while since I've heard from God. I'm not sure if that's because He quit talking to me or I was just too hurt to listen. But last night, I found myself begging. But this time was different, I wasn't begging for my kids back or the pain to stop or the truth to be revealed... I was simply begging for God. Begging for what He and I used to have. Begging for time alone with him.  Begging to hear Him. Begging for the relationship I had with Him before my whole life fell apart. Begging for Him to hear me. Begging for Him to care. Begging for Him to show me the way out. I fell asleep begging... And, I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about Lot and his wife after Sodom and Gomorrah burnt. I know right?!?! I mean who does that? Of all the things to be thinking about in this day and age, I'm thinking about Sodom and Gomorrah????? No wonder why people call me crazy! I could see if I had just had a ...

Have you ever read something that made you take a serious look at yourself and think, "Uh Oh?"  My best friend lent me a book called, "Safe People" by Cloud and Townsend to help me heal after having to deal with some really unsafe people after my mom's death. As I was reading through, I was completely caught off guard by something.  Growing up, I suffered from anorexia. Although, I didn't know I did. I didn't choose to starve myself. We were just poor and I didn't get to eat that often so I stopped feeling hunger. I still remember when I went to the doctor at the age of 20 with a serious sickness and he diagnosed me as an anorexic. I was so angry! I still remember explaining to him that I would eat if I could but I just wasn't hungry and there had to be something causing it. To which he replied, "That is, anorexia." I left his office offended and switched doctors. Later on in life, God showed me that his diagnosis was hard to take ...

Then let me give you some perspective :) Starting with verse 3, Genesis 5 collapses into nothing more than a litany of numbers and outdated names: When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth. After Seth was born, Adam lived 800 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Adam lived 930 years, and then he died. When Seth had lived 105 years, he became the father of Enosh. And after he became the father of Enosh, Seth lived 807 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Seth lived 912 years, and then he died. When Enosh had lived 90 years, he became the father of Kenan, Enosh lived 815 years and had other sons and daughters.... From there, you plug in new names and different numbers, but that's pretty much the chapter. Some guy first becomes a father at an age well beyond qualifying for the AARP, and then he proceeds to produce more sons and daughters on his way to death's door. In an era before politi...

It's always so neat when you know you are reaping something... Today, my husband and I took our youngest to the Dairy Queen and a man, who was clearly homeless, rode up on his bike with a pizza. There were some young girls starting at him and making fun of him and my heart just broke for him; but since I was already sad, I didn't bother to reach out to him like I normally would. However, he reached out to me. As we were sitting there keeping to ourselves, he began to talk to us. I still did not even really look at him out of fear of crying but Cory politely responded and chatted with him. Then, he got up and came to our table and gave our daughter a piece of his pizza. He said it was his 60th birthday and he was celebrating with pizza and ice cream. I realized how most people would have taken that gesture but I knew how priceless it was. This man took a risk of being rejected and ridiculed to show us love. He didn't have much but what he did have he felt led to share with ...

It’s funny how you can read or hear the same scripture a thousand times and then you catch something that you have never noticed in it before. Philippians 4:6 has got to be one of the most popular verses in the Bible, but yesterday when I read it I caught something different than usual. It starts with “Be careful for nothing” (KJV). Not too recently I was wondering about this very topic. Very often when we go to Walmart we don’t make it home with all of our bags. I usually just overlook the loss and just trust God to make it up to me in the future because the missing items are usually so minor compared to the stress and the gas money to drive back and deal with it. However, the last time it was a bag full of some pretty expensive merchandise so I was really upset and began to talk to God about how they should have a better bagging system. Then, God dealt with me about why I reaped that loss and after I repented for the mistake He gave the items back. It occurred to me that if I truly...

Cory and I don't keep up with movies much so we don't know what to watch when we actually are able to sit down together and watch one so we will just randomly pick one off of on demand. Last night we chose a movie called, "Everybody's Fine". I must have cried through the whole thing, lol. I have not had a movie effect me like that in a long time. It was just so close to reality in the world today and it broke my heart to watch this man try to connect with his family and come face to face with a different world than he was used to as well as all of the mistakes he made. I thought about how I used to live in a world just like his where everyone pretended and smiled and lied to each others' faces. I knew I never fit in, but I would try and try until one day I asked myself why. Then,I thought about my friends and family who are still stuck in that pretentious world and they don't even know there is something else available. They can have a life of honesty whe...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Cor 13:3-8 THIS IS THE TRUE DEFINITION OF LOVE, ANYTHING ELSE IS A LIE! Several years ago I was in an abusive relationship that I thought was love and the Holy Spirit brought this verse to my attention. I remember calling my brother to ask him where it was in the Bible and he told me he didn't even think it was scripture; but, I knew it was so I searched through my Bible to find it. When I did, verse 5 jumped out at me, "love is not easily angered." For years I had justified my ex's anger by saying that he just loved me so much that he could not control it; however, God showed me something much different that day. If he truly l...

After the death of my mom, I began to question God. Not an angry, unbelieving questioning but a believing questioning... a wondering or pondering. I began to think about how in the Bible it was common for their lives to change in a split second for the good. Like in Joseph's life a King has a dream and boom he's plucked from prison and promoted to 2nd in the kingdom. But, in today's world, it seems any split second change is always negative. You're just going about life and boom: a crash, a tornado, you lose your job, you lose a loved one... everything is gone. As I was asking Him why it never seemed to work that way with good things, I mean it's never like boom overnight I'm rich, He revealed to me that it does. The problem is not that the good doesn't happen, the problem is that I've been conditioned by the world and people around me to think of everything as negative or to just explain it away as life. For instance, how many infertile couples wou...

When I first began a studying the book of Revelation several years ago, I wasn't a Bible scholar so I just simply asked God to reveal to me what He needed me to see. As I read each seal, each trumpet, each bowl, each judgment... I thought how awful! How horrible of a world to live in! Then, I began to notice that instead of those things opening people's eyes to the truth, they would shake their fists at God and dig their heels in deeper and refuse to repent. It made absolutely no sense to me why people would choose to respond that way when instead they could be on God's team and also have God on their side. Why would they choose to keep reaping harsher judgments when they could be forgiven and set free? How would they dare be so cold as to shake their fists at the very God who created and loved them? As I was sitting there so deep in thought begging God to help me understand, a vision of the world around me flashed through my head. At that time there had been an earthqua...