LIFE - THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHRISTIAN/HYPOCRITE

It's been a while since I've written. It's also been a while since I've heard from God. I'm not sure if that's because He quit talking to me or I was just too hurt to listen. But last night, I found myself begging. But this time was different, I wasn't begging for my kids back or the pain to stop or the truth to be revealed... I was simply begging for God. Begging for what He and I used to have. Begging for time alone with him.  Begging to hear Him. Begging for the relationship I had with Him before my whole life fell apart. Begging for Him to hear me. Begging for Him to care. Begging for Him to show me the way out. I fell asleep begging... And, I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about Lot and his wife after Sodom and Gomorrah burnt. I know right?!?! I mean who does that? Of all the things to be thinking about in this day and age, I'm thinking about Sodom and Gomorrah????? No wonder why people call me crazy! I could see if I had just had a ...

The other day my kids and I were shopping at Target when my oldest picked up an hour glass and then all 3 of them started asking if they could have it. My first response was, "What do we need that for?" But, then my mind began to ponder, "Hmmm... Well, it is pretty cool...What could we use it for? Hmmm." Suddenly flashbacks of years of fighting with them to clean their rooms... crying, fighting, reading books, searching for solutions, setting boundaries, repeating boundaries, more crying, more fighting, more books, and on and on with only one constant... messy rooms.  Before I realized it, my mouth was saying, "Oh good, we have a timer now for you guys to clean your rooms. If you aren't done by the time the sand runs out then whatever is left on the floor gets packed away." And to my surprise, they all cheered, "Okay! Yay!" "What?!?!?! Did they just yell yay???" Yep, that's what I heard so we put it in the buggy and moved o...

Have you ever read something that made you take a serious look at yourself and think, "Uh Oh?"  My best friend lent me a book called, "Safe People" by Cloud and Townsend to help me heal after having to deal with some really unsafe people after my mom's death. As I was reading through, I was completely caught off guard by something.  Growing up, I suffered from anorexia. Although, I didn't know I did. I didn't choose to starve myself. We were just poor and I didn't get to eat that often so I stopped feeling hunger. I still remember when I went to the doctor at the age of 20 with a serious sickness and he diagnosed me as an anorexic. I was so angry! I still remember explaining to him that I would eat if I could but I just wasn't hungry and there had to be something causing it. To which he replied, "That is, anorexia." I left his office offended and switched doctors. Later on in life, God showed me that his diagnosis was hard to take ...

Today, while I was working, I was talking to God and listening to “Believer’s Voice of Victory” which had Bill Winston on as a guest speaker. As the men were talking, I realized that Bill was doing something very similar to the vision God has given me for my future and it triggered a thought process that led me to the story of Jacob and Esau. This story can be found in Genesis 25:19-34 if you want to read it to catch up. Anyways, I've read that story several times, but today I saw an aspect that I had never realized before. Esau chose FOOD over his blessing. Many know that I do not eat pork and why; but, it seems to be something that other people like to attack me over. Yet, those same people who forcefully push their beliefs off on me are usually so set in their ways and are unwilling to allow me to walk them through it in scripture because they think they already know the answer. They are Esau. Esau was the firstborn and was entitled to certain blessings that came along...

I'm sure most people have heard the song out by Eminem and Rihanna, but every time I hear it I am reminded of a poem I wrote several years ago when I was in an abusive relationship and at my end. So, I wanted to share it as an example of how God can fix anyone no matter how broken they are. Please remember my poem is sarcastic and not literal just as is the song I referred to. Take this knife and jab it in Here's another try again I'll find another if I need Just thrust it in and watch me bleed Do I sound a bit crazy to you? Please let me know if I do I just want you to know I love this game I love the hurt, I love the pain Please kick me down so I can get back up If I've had too much I'll say "enough" But I want you to ignore me if I do And kick me til I'm black and blue Go find some rocks, go find some stones Bruise my body, break my bones Don't stop until you feel my fear Don't stop until you see my tea...

I was so happy to come across this article this morning. It's so awesome to see that someone else in the world sees truth and is trying to do something about it!  I was a victim of my sister my whole life and nobody would listen, I was just constantly told to stop my whining. Then, when I couldn't take it any more, I would blow up (you know fight or flight, when flight didn't work I'd try the other). Yet, all anyone would ever see is my blowing up and they would blame me and tell me to just shut my mouth, get over it, and forgive. They would say that things were just fine and normal and then I'd start screaming. Yeah, because fine and normal to them meant me being constantly controlled or abused! Just like the article says, I was the youngest so I took it from everyone. Any time I'd open my mouth someone would tell me to shut it or make fun of me. It was everyone trapped in the cycle, not just my sister, but their treatment of me taught her that I was an acc...

Then let me give you some perspective :) Starting with verse 3, Genesis 5 collapses into nothing more than a litany of numbers and outdated names: When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth. After Seth was born, Adam lived 800 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Adam lived 930 years, and then he died. When Seth had lived 105 years, he became the father of Enosh. And after he became the father of Enosh, Seth lived 807 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Seth lived 912 years, and then he died. When Enosh had lived 90 years, he became the father of Kenan, Enosh lived 815 years and had other sons and daughters.... From there, you plug in new names and different numbers, but that's pretty much the chapter. Some guy first becomes a father at an age well beyond qualifying for the AARP, and then he proceeds to produce more sons and daughters on his way to death's door. In an era before politi...