LIFE - THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHRISTIAN/HYPOCRITE

Yesterday, at my health check up, the doctor asked me if I had any loss of memory and I asked, "Isn't that normal with age and 3 kids?" To which he responded, "Let me ask you some basic questions... What year is it?" Me inside, "Oh, crap! What year is it? Oh yeah, 2012... right? Or is it? Oh gees! Yeah that's it... Ok."  Then out loud, "2012" To which is looked at me and said, "I'd better ask some more." Me inside, "Oh great!" Him, "What month is it?" Me, "Ummmmmmmm August?" Him, "What day?" Me inside, "Crap! Figures! Gees! How stupid can I be? I have a doctor's appointment today you'd think I'd at least know the date today! I just looked at my phone a little bit ago. What the heck day is it? What did it say? Oh yeah, the 30th." Then, I smile and reply, "The 30th" while wondering if the delay told him what I was asking myself inside! Haha So, ...

The other day I heard the song, "Cry Out to Jesus" on the radio and it reminded me of years ago when my husband left me. I spent days just laying on the floor listening to this song and crying and praying. Then, I heard God tell me to get up and fight! So I did and I thought I won! But, here I am years later still fighting, still praying. Hearing that song for the first time in a long time, my reaction was totally different. When I heard that first verse about losing someone you love that used to make me feel sad inside and want to fight, instead I said inside, "If only I could go back and tell myself to give up! Just let go!" But then, I heard a verse in a different way than I ever had before, "For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on. They lost all of their faith in love. They've done all they can to make it right again. Still it's not enough." At this point, that is exactly how I feel! I have done all that I can and all that I kno...