Friday, August 31, 2012

My trip to the doctor's yesterday....

Yesterday, at my health check up, the doctor asked me if I had any loss of memory and I asked, "Isn't that normal with age and 3 kids?" To which he responded, "Let me ask you some basic questions... What year is it?"

Me inside, "Oh, crap! What year is it? Oh yeah, 2012... right? Or is it? Oh gees! Yeah that's it... Ok." 

Then out loud, "2012" To which is looked at me and said, "I'd better ask some more."

Me inside, "Oh great!"

Him, "What month is it?"

Me, "Ummmmmmmm August?"

Him, "What day?"

Me inside, "Crap! Figures! Gees! How stupid can I be? I have a doctor's appointment today you'd think I'd at least know the date today! I just looked at my phone a little bit ago. What the heck day is it? What did it say? Oh yeah, the 30th."

Then, I smile and reply, "The 30th" while wondering if the delay told him what I was asking myself inside! Haha

So, he continues, "Who is the president?"

Me inside, "Oh crap! It's not Bush any more... Who is it?.... oh yeah, Obama." So, I bust out, "Obama" as quick as possible so that he doesn't start thinking I need to be kept overnight.

Then, the killer question, "Who's running against him?"

Me inside, "Oh no! It figures! What the heck is that guy's name? It's constantly running through my news feed on facebook. What is it? What is it? Hmmmm...... mmmmmm..... (while he's staring at me) hmmmmm..... OH YEAH ROMNEY!"

Then I reply, "Romney; but, these questions really aren't that fair! I never know the date, I hardly look at a calendar. Every day goes by so quick so I just look at it the day before and tell myself what I have to do tomorrow. Who cares what day it says on the calendar, they're all the same, as long as I do everything I need to do that day? And, I really don't watch the news since about 4 years ago when Obama took office because that's pretty much pointless too. It's all the same stuff different day and it's going to happen regardless if I know about it or not so why waste my time and energy on it?"

Thank God his reply was, "Yeah, I don't really watch the news either. It is all negative!"

Then, my phone (that I just got that day!) rang and I had no idea how to make it stop so it just belted out Third Day, "Magnificent Holy Father, I stand in awe of all I see. Of all the things you have created and still you choose to think of me. Who am I that you should suffer, your very life to set me free? The only thing that I can give you, is the life you gave to me. This is my offering."

While I frantically searched for an off button I was thinking, "So close but now I'm doomed! He's going to have me committed! It looks like I forgot how to work my phone! And, he knows I'm a Jesus freak!"

I just looked at him and smiled and said, "Sorry." To which he replied, "Don't be, that's a good song."


I guess, compared to the other people in his office, I seemed normal, lol... You all know that running a street ministry, I typically have a lot of patience and compassion for people, nothing seems to phase me, but there were some real characters in there. I spent the whole time in the waiting room explaining to a lady that I wouldn't give her money to buy pills, cigarettes or pop and trying to keep her hands out of my purse and her eyes off of my text messages before I even got to read them, lol.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Cry Out to Jesus

The other day I heard the song, "Cry Out to Jesus" on the radio and it reminded me of years ago when my husband left me. I spent days just laying on the floor listening to this song and crying and praying. Then, I heard God tell me to get up and fight! So I did and I thought I won! But, here I am years later still fighting, still praying.

Hearing that song for the first time in a long time, my reaction was totally different. When I heard that first verse about losing someone you love that used to make me feel sad inside and want to fight, instead I said inside, "If only I could go back and tell myself to give up! Just let go!"

But then, I heard a verse in a different way than I ever had before, "For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on. They lost all of their faith in love. They've done all they can to make it right again. Still it's not enough." At this point, that is exactly how I feel! I have done all that I can and all that I know to do! I have spent so much time trying to get along with an unbelieving family that I feel I have no faith left! I have read nearly every marriage book on the market and pray nearly every minute of the day and yet when I was forced to do a fair evaluation, I realized that the only reason I have a marriage is because I try so hard to be perfect and treat others the way the Bible says to and if I didn't work so hard, it would be gone and so would my kids :(

So, now I'm just going to be and do what I know I need to be and do. And, that is live in reality and be real and speak truth; and, those who don't like me or what I have to say are free to not care or listen but I can't keep wasting years of my life pouring all of my energy into people who just drain me and put me down.

At this point, truly the only hope I have in my marriage or desire I have to see it survive is that I know that God says it's possible! I know what it can be! And, I know what He is capable of! 

Friday, August 10, 2012

Would you like a really good laugh at my expense?

God must find me pretty darn humorous at times!

This morning I was thinking about all of the photography themes on G+ and said I was going to just start curating some off the wall group like "thimble thursday" and see if it took off. Then, I moved on and forgot about. But, during my prayer time, I picked up "The Power of Simple Prayer" by Joyce Meyer and she began to discuss what most people pictured as prayer. She explained a famous painting of an elderly gentleman kneeling with his head bowed, hands clasped and eyes closed. And, to myself, I thought, "I would love to create an image completely opposite of that to open people eyes to what prayer really is." 

Then, my next thought was, "I would love to actually throw the idea out there to all of the photographers/photo-manipulators on G+ and see what they come up with. Kind of like the Chrysta Rae Scavenger Hunt but with only one item and one goal. How awesome would that be?!?!"

Then, that thought connected me to the next one, "Wouldn't it be cool if it could be a constant running daily theme." 

Oh, and there it was! Full circle back to my original thought this morning! So, I finally allowed the thought to brew for a minute and started to think of titles and what day I could choose. I would love to incorporate my two passions... both things I use G+ for, photography and God. 

But how? I know there is a "sacred sunday" theme but that goes against everything I'm trying to get people away from. The goal is to open peoples' eyes to the fact that God shouldn't just be shoved into this little religious box and only pulled out once a week. God is with us all the time, everywhere! Prayer is something that we can do any time anywhere! It can't just be a day, it has to be every day! But, "What should I call it?" hmmmm.... "What should I call it?" .... hmmmm Something that involves everyday???" hmmmm... LOL!!! 

Are all of you laughing at me yet?!?! I mean God must have been up in heaven ready to jump out of His seat or push me over the edge or something! I mean if I can be used in this whole "Christianity" thing, then surely anyone can! 

Oh, and for those of you who don't know me that well, the name of my photography business that God birthed in my life last July is called, "Everyday Art". Laughing yet? :)