Friday, May 31, 2013

Everybody's Fine

Cory and I don't keep up with movies much so we don't know what to watch when we actually are able to sit down together and watch one so we will just randomly pick one off of on demand. Last night we chose a movie called, "Everybody's Fine". I must have cried through the whole thing, lol. I have not had a movie effect me like that in a long time. It was just so close to reality in the world today and it broke my heart to watch this man try to connect with his family and come face to face with a different world than he was used to as well as all of the mistakes he made.

I thought about how I used to live in a world just like his where everyone pretended and smiled and lied to each others' faces. I knew I never fit in, but I would try and try until one day I asked myself why. Then,I thought about my friends and family who are still stuck in that pretentious world and they don't even know there is something else available. They can have a life of honesty where they can be real and not ashamed. They can experience unconditional love and acceptance, but they don't know it. So, they just keep pretending that everything is fine day in and day out while they are really dying inside. Then, I realized the reason most people never find the freedom that can only be found in a true relationship with Christ is because of religion.

God allowed me to see that the man in the movie represented all churches as a whole. They put so much pressure on people to be perfect that they don't allow people to be real. So people choose to go through life pretending than to risk upsetting others and not being accepted. Is acceptance really worth it if you aren't being accepted for who you really are? We all make mistakes and we all fail at times, but how can God help if we keep pretending everything is fine?

The ablove was originally written... March 27th, 2010 at 9:49am...  I've decided to go through some old blogs that I posted on other sites and combine them all into one place (here;). 

Thursday, May 30, 2013


"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is

not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily
angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Cor 13:3-8


Several years ago I was in an abusive relationship that I thought was love and the Holy Spirit brought this verse to my attention. I remember calling my brother to ask him where it was in the Bible and he told me he didn't even think it was scripture, but I knew it was so I searched through my Bible to find it. When I did, verse 5 jumped out at me, "love is not easily angered." For years I had justified my ex's anger by saying that he just loved me so much that he could not control it, but God showed me something much different that day. If he truly loved me, he would learn to control it because that's what true love does. If you are struggling in one of these areas and you know you are falling short, I suggest you ask God for help if you love the other person because if you struggle with any of the behaviors above, it will cause the relationship, or at least the desire to be fully invested in the relationship, to eventually end.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Big Game

Eagles versus Giant Chickens

It’s getting dangerously close to the end of the game, but there isn’t anyone who is sure of exactly how much time is left on the clock. The Eagles were chosen as the favorite ahead of time, but now that the game has advanced, they are appearing as more of the underdog and are outnumbered by their opposing team approximately ten to one. The Giant Chickens haven’t exactly been playing by the rules and have even been taunting and bullying the Eagles. However, referees haven’t even noticed that the Chickens have been cheating because their attention has been focused on all of the strife on the Eagles’ sidelines.

I just can’t believe what is going on down on the field. I’ve never seen such chaos and mayhem in my life. Most of the Eagles’ players are just standing around talking to each other and complaining about the coach; they are actually refusing to run the plays that He calls. While others are lying down on the field crying about how big the opposing players are and that they are getting trampled on. Just a few star players from the Eagles’ team have been doing all of the work and scoring all of the points and they are just simply getting worn out. Not only do they have to shield their selves from the opposition, but from their own teammates as well. It appears the majority of Eagles just want to sit on the sidelines and yell about petty things like the colors of their uniforms, what plays should be run, and how the ball should be handled. “Laces in or laces out?” Who cares, does that really matter? You are losing the game! There is just no organization or unity of spirit within this Eagles’ team and because of it they have basically just destroyed any chance of winning. The Giants are so far ahead that nothing short of a miracle could even help these Eagles. This team had better pray that they have some kind of resurrection power behind them that can bring their team back from the dead. These Eagles’ need to quickly decide which team they are playing for then read their playbook and get in the game!

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Just because He can

After the death of my mom, I began to question God. Not an angry, unbelieving questioning but a believing questioning... a wondering or pondering.

I began to think about how in the Bible it was common for their lives to change in a split second for the good. Like in Joseph's life a King has a dream and boom he's plucked from prison and promoted to 2nd in the kingdom. But, in today's world, it seems any split second change is always negative. You're just going about life and boom: a crash, a tornado, you lose your job, you lose a loved one... everything is gone.

As I was asking Him why it never seemed to work that way with good things, I mean it's never like boom overnight I'm rich, He revealed to me that it does. The problem is not that the good doesn't happen, the problem is that I've been conditioned by the world and people around me to think of everything as negative or to just explain it away as life. For instance, how many infertile couples would consider a positive pregnancy test a split second miraculous change for the good? I realized that the first thing I felt with every pregnancy was fear. I eventually came around and I love my kids but I just never experienced that instantaneous overwhelming positive feeling like I should have. 

He also revealed that the bad things that happen aren't always as instantaneous as they seem either. Some times they are; but, not always. As in the case with my mom. She had been speaking and claiming death over herself for at least 20 years and she hadn't taken one preventative measure. She ate what she wanted when she wanted and didn't exercise at all. Then, she popped pills and other stimulants to cope with the pain and symptoms she experienced. I guess you just get so used to hearing someone say they're not going to be here one day that eventually you just think they've lived this long so they'll be here forever. Or how many times had I heard a noise or had a warning light keep going on and off and nothing happens time after time to where I didn't even notice it anymore. Then, boom, the washing machine won't spin or the car breaks down.

As He revealed more and more, I began to thank Him for all of the good in my life that I had overlooked or brushed away as just part of life. The more I thanked him, the more I realized I had to thank Him for, and I was already a thankful person before this. I mean I keep a journal full of blessings and thank you's that I read through often; yet, I suddenly thought of about a thousand more things I could add to that list. 

Then, when I was done, do you know what happened?!?!?! He answered a prayer that I had prayed for years! A prayer that I once desperately felt I needed but it had been so long and seemed so impossible that I honestly didn't even think it would ever happen. Then, just like that out of nowhere, BOOM it did! Just because He could <3

Friday, May 24, 2013

Riddled with Pain

surrounded by people
who don't understand
what God has willed
what God has planned

incapable of seeing 
the love that you hold
too busy being
evil and cold

you're easy to blame
when you're the odd man out
and everyone else 
is on the same old route

headed toward destruction
without a care
and angry at you 
for not being there

you made it to safety
swam to the shore
nearly drowned 
trying to save everyone else on board

but still you try
to do all that you can
toss in the preserver 
gripped tight in your hand

you pray that they grab it
and hold on tight
but all they want
is to continue to fight

they think they are strong
won't break and give in
when really they're weak 
and just want to win

but what are they winning?
what is the prize?
the hatred and evil
I see in their eyes?

what does that profit?
what does that gain?
when choosing a life
riddled with pain

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Burying the Past in the Grave

to think you hurt as much as possible 

and that the truth has all come

only to be blindsided

by the truth that has just begun

to hold onto hope for years 

that you'd find healing one day

then to think you finally found it

only to discover it was just a facade

to learn the person you knew and loved

as your best friend

was also someone you never met 

who made others hate you in the end

to never have a chance 

to even talk it through

and to know it wouldn't matter anyways 

after 33 years of trying to

to have to accept that it is what it is

and there is nowhere to turn

not a person to trust

every bridge has to be burned

there's only One way out

and it's plastered with pain

focus on God and your future 

and bury the past in the grave