Saturday, May 25, 2013

Just because He can

After the death of my mom, I began to question God. Not an angry, unbelieving questioning but a believing questioning... a wondering or pondering.

I began to think about how in the Bible it was common for their lives to change in a split second for the good. Like in Joseph's life a King has a dream and boom he's plucked from prison and promoted to 2nd in the kingdom. But, in today's world, it seems any split second change is always negative. You're just going about life and boom: a crash, a tornado, you lose your job, you lose a loved one... everything is gone.

As I was asking Him why it never seemed to work that way with good things, I mean it's never like boom overnight I'm rich, He revealed to me that it does. The problem is not that the good doesn't happen, the problem is that I've been conditioned by the world and people around me to think of everything as negative or to just explain it away as life. For instance, how many infertile couples would consider a positive pregnancy test a split second miraculous change for the good? I realized that the first thing I felt with every pregnancy was fear. I eventually came around and I love my kids but I just never experienced that instantaneous overwhelming positive feeling like I should have. 

He also revealed that the bad things that happen aren't always as instantaneous as they seem either. Some times they are; but, not always. As in the case with my mom. She had been speaking and claiming death over herself for at least 20 years and she hadn't taken one preventative measure. She ate what she wanted when she wanted and didn't exercise at all. Then, she popped pills and other stimulants to cope with the pain and symptoms she experienced. I guess you just get so used to hearing someone say they're not going to be here one day that eventually you just think they've lived this long so they'll be here forever. Or how many times had I heard a noise or had a warning light keep going on and off and nothing happens time after time to where I didn't even notice it anymore. Then, boom, the washing machine won't spin or the car breaks down.

As He revealed more and more, I began to thank Him for all of the good in my life that I had overlooked or brushed away as just part of life. The more I thanked him, the more I realized I had to thank Him for, and I was already a thankful person before this. I mean I keep a journal full of blessings and thank you's that I read through often; yet, I suddenly thought of about a thousand more things I could add to that list. 

Then, when I was done, do you know what happened?!?!?! He answered a prayer that I had prayed for years! A prayer that I once desperately felt I needed but it had been so long and seemed so impossible that I honestly didn't even think it would ever happen. Then, just like that out of nowhere, BOOM it did! Just because He could <3


  1. That's the funny thing about God and prayer. He knows when is the best time to answer them. Most of the time it isn't on our time table. Everything happens when it is supposed to happen. It is His perfect order. I'm sorry you are dealing with the passing of your mother. May God bring you strength and solace through your prayer.

  2. I lost several family members in one year, my Mom being the last was killed in a head on car accident by a drunk driver. She was still alive when bystanders robed her of all her jewelry. All my faith and everything I ever believed in, the building blocks of my life came crumbling down. The phone, the link to my Mom anytime I needed her, went into the trashcan. I had no will to live, and started down a path of self destruction. I started drinking every night to stop the nightmares. And so my life spiraled down and down.
    One morning I was on the train to work when I just could not go any further, I jumped out the train (by Gods grace was not killed) and walked back home along the beach. I realized I had to rebuild my life again on the truth and not just my perception of the truth. I had to find my place in what I believed and what the cornerstone of my life should be. What can be taken away from me and what could not.
    It took a few years and the pain is still there, but by the grace of God, I stand tall on a foundation that can never be taken away. God is good regardless of what life hands me. I love my children and they love me and I thank God for them every day.
    God bless you and keep you strong.