Skip to main content

Cry Out to Jesus

The other day I heard the song, "Cry Out to Jesus" on the radio and it reminded me of years ago when my husband left me. I spent days just laying on the floor listening to this song and crying and praying. Then, I heard God tell me to get up and fight! So I did and I thought I won! But, here I am years later still fighting, still praying.


Hearing that song for the first time in a long time, my reaction was totally different. When I heard that first verse about losing someone you love that used to make me feel sad inside and want to fight, instead I said inside, "If only I could go back and tell myself to give up! Just let go!"


But then, I heard a verse in a different way than I ever had before, "For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on. They lost all of their faith in love. They've done all they can to make it right again. Still it's not enough." At this point, that is exactly how I feel! I have done all that I can and all that I know to do! I have spent so much time trying to get along with an unbelieving family that I feel I have no faith left! I have read nearly every marriage book on the market and pray nearly every minute of the day and yet when I was forced to do a fair evaluation, I realized that the only reason I have a marriage is because I try so hard to be perfect and treat others the way the Bible says to and if I didn't work so hard, it would be gone and so would my kids :(


So, now I'm just going to be and do what I know I need to be and do. And, that is live in reality and be real and speak truth; and, those who don't like me or what I have to say are free to not care or listen but I can't keep wasting years of my life pouring all of my energy into people who just drain me and put me down.


At this point, truly the only hope I have in my marriage or desire I have to see it survive is that I know that God says it's possible! I know what it can be! And, I know what He is capable of! 





Comments

  1. Jessica, I just want to encourage you to hang in there. There may come a day when you can't - but it is such a beautiful, right, and self-sacrificing place for you to be, and I admire your strength & tenacity.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I used to want to change the world... until the world changed me

I haven't written in a long time.... mostly because I don't feel like I have anything to write or share any more. To be honest, I haven't felt much of anything for a long time.

Except today, today I feel defeated. Completely and utterly defeated. I look around and I see so many others just going about their lives and I just don't feel like I fit anywhere. Most days I just go through the motions and do what needs done then go to bed and wake up the next day and do it again. But not today, today was different. Today, I looked around at everyone else going somewhere... doing something... living... smiling... talking... being.... and I realized that I'm just so different than everyone.

Everyone else knows what they're doing and where they're going and I'm just here. I just go through my day trying to not bounce off of or collide into anyone else. But, it seems that's all I'm really capable of. I wake up with one goal, to avoid anything and everythi…

Uh Oh

Have you ever read something that made you take a serious look at yourself and think, "Uh Oh?" 

My best friend lent me a book called, "Safe People" by Cloud and Townsend to help me heal after having to deal with some really unsafe people after my mom's death. As I was reading through, I was completely caught off guard by something. 

Growing up, I suffered from anorexia. Although, I didn't know I did. I didn't choose to starve myself. We were just poor and I didn't get to eat that often so I stopped feeling hunger. I still remember when I went to the doctor at the age of 20 with a serious sickness and he diagnosed me as an anorexic. I was so angry! I still remember explaining to him that I would eat if I could but I just wasn't hungry and there had to be something causing it. To which he replied, "That is, anorexia." I left his office offended and switched doctors. Later on in life, God showed me that his diagnosis was hard to take and no…

I love the way you lie

I'm sure most people have heard the song out by Eminem and Rihanna, but every time I hear it I am reminded of a poem I wrote several years ago when I was in an abusive relationship and at my end. So, I wanted to share it as an example of how God can fix anyone no matter how broken they are.

Please remember my poem is sarcastic and not literal just as is the song I referred to.


Take this knife and jab it in Here's another try again I'll find another if I need Just thrust it in and watch me bleed
Do I sound a bit crazy to you? Please let me know if I do I just want you to know I love this game I love the hurt, I love the pain
Please kick me down so I can get back up If I've had too much I'll say "enough" But I want you to ignore me if I do And kick me til I'm black and blue
Go find some rocks, go find some stones Bruise my body, break my bones Don't stop until you feel my fear Don't stop until you see my tears
When I start to cry you can take a break …