I was so happy to come across this article this morning. It's so awesome to see that someone else in the world sees truth and is trying to do something about it!
I was a victim of my sister my whole life and nobody would listen, I was just constantly told to stop my whining. Then, when I couldn't take it any more, I would blow up (you know fight or flight, when flight didn't work I'd try the other). Yet, all anyone would ever see is my blowing up and they would blame me and tell me to just shut my mouth, get over it, and forgive. They would say that things were just fine and normal and then I'd start screaming. Yeah, because fine and normal to them meant me being constantly controlled or abused! Just like the article says, I was the youngest so I took it from everyone. Any time I'd open my mouth someone would tell me to shut it or make fun of me. It was everyone trapped in the cycle, not just my sister, but their treatment of me taught her that I was an acceptable target. They couldn't see that my only options were to allow others completely control me and put me down with my mouth shut or fight if I felt it was important enough to stand my ground on.
While it wasn't all my sister, she was the worst of it. She was so good at manipulating and controlling situations and making it look like my fault. She convinced everyone that I was crazy, and everything else she used to call me, and she was never corrected and nobody ever listened to me. And, look at us now. This is what the last disagreement my mom and I had, right before she passed, was over. I was still in my 30's trying to get someone else to listen so that my sister and I could work toward healing; but, of course, I was told the same old crap and my mom then turned around and further fueled my sister's hatred and control. She was given one last chance to help heal the wounds between us but instead she sealed them to last forever. It's so sad! It could have been so different :(
You'd think a parent (and others who witnessed it day in and day out) would realize that if something hasn't been working for 33 years then perhaps they got something wrong and they should maybe try something different.
Although, I just have to remind myself that if God allowed it then it will work to my good and that He has used it to shape and change me into a better person. So, perhaps that is what we should be teaching the victims instead of trying to reach the aggressors who clearly aren't listening.
Be sure to read the blog that triggered my blog, the link is below in case you missed it above :)
http://www.theledger.com/article/20130617/NEWS/130619536/1410?p=1&tc=pg
I was a victim of my sister my whole life and nobody would listen, I was just constantly told to stop my whining. Then, when I couldn't take it any more, I would blow up (you know fight or flight, when flight didn't work I'd try the other). Yet, all anyone would ever see is my blowing up and they would blame me and tell me to just shut my mouth, get over it, and forgive. They would say that things were just fine and normal and then I'd start screaming. Yeah, because fine and normal to them meant me being constantly controlled or abused! Just like the article says, I was the youngest so I took it from everyone. Any time I'd open my mouth someone would tell me to shut it or make fun of me. It was everyone trapped in the cycle, not just my sister, but their treatment of me taught her that I was an acceptable target. They couldn't see that my only options were to allow others completely control me and put me down with my mouth shut or fight if I felt it was important enough to stand my ground on.
While it wasn't all my sister, she was the worst of it. She was so good at manipulating and controlling situations and making it look like my fault. She convinced everyone that I was crazy, and everything else she used to call me, and she was never corrected and nobody ever listened to me. And, look at us now. This is what the last disagreement my mom and I had, right before she passed, was over. I was still in my 30's trying to get someone else to listen so that my sister and I could work toward healing; but, of course, I was told the same old crap and my mom then turned around and further fueled my sister's hatred and control. She was given one last chance to help heal the wounds between us but instead she sealed them to last forever. It's so sad! It could have been so different :(
You'd think a parent (and others who witnessed it day in and day out) would realize that if something hasn't been working for 33 years then perhaps they got something wrong and they should maybe try something different.
Although, I just have to remind myself that if God allowed it then it will work to my good and that He has used it to shape and change me into a better person. So, perhaps that is what we should be teaching the victims instead of trying to reach the aggressors who clearly aren't listening.
Be sure to read the blog that triggered my blog, the link is below in case you missed it above :)
http://www.theledger.com/article/20130617/NEWS/130619536/1410?p=1&tc=pg
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